Your daily dose of crack
by grandiloquentCaecity
Summary: Title says it all. A collection of completely random and extrememly crackish drabbles all having to do with SOMETHING from the Naruto universe.
1. The reason NOT to work in an art shop

**A/N: This idea suddenly came to me when I was reading this list thing online. What you are reading is a little collection of drabbles/oneshots full of "powdered sugar" , fangirls, mary-sues, exploding things, and the worlds best cleaning prodect. Total crack, but that is the purpose of these, now isn't it? I hope you enjoy this little bit of spaztic crack that came from the depths of my mind.**

**Disclaimer: No matter how hard I wish on those puffy dandelion things, I DON'T OWN NARUTO!!**

_Number one: The reason NOT to work at an art shop_

Today was a slow day at the art store. And by art store, I mean one that sells art, not art supplies. The only person there was a single clerk, leaning on the check-out counter. There was a small 'ding' and the clerk (we'll call him Carl) looked up, since that was the sound that the door makes. And entering the store was a person wearing a trench coat and a hat, arranged in a way so that only the eyes were visible. The person walked up to Carl and said,

"Give me all of your clay birds. Now!". Carl was taken aback, what would this person want with _clay birds? _The trench coated person glared at Carl so he went and got all of the clay birds in the store.

Carl handed them to the stranger and said stranger looked down at his hands, an insane smile appearing on his face (yes, you can now see his face). He paid then turned around and ran out of the store, laughing like a mad-man.

Carl looked in the direction the stranger went and saw him throw one of the clay birds. What the heck was he doing? The man looked frustrated and yelled,

"Why wont the blow up!!"

**Well, I hope that you liked this little drabble. It is not about any actual character, it's just referring to one in a way. I hope to update soon, and if anyone has any ideas, I am open. Ja ne!**


	2. Trains are classified as blunt objects

**A/N: Hello people!! Here is the second installment to Powdered sugar, fangirls, mary-sues, exploding things, and the world's best cleaning product. I hope you enjoy it, not that you won't, I mean, who doesn't love crack? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I DO own Super Awesome Ninja Powers ****TM****. See the trade mark sign? That means I own it. . . unlike Naruto.**

**Warning: This contains crack and my OC Midori. You have been warned.**

_Number two: trains are classified as blunt objects_

It was a face-off between twins, Neji and Midori, the two strongest Hyuugas. The air was tense with all of the. . . _tenseness _ in the air. Both siblings stood there, glaring at each other. No one dared even breathe, they were too afraid of the glare being turned on them, come on, I mean, it's _The Hyuuga Glare _and NO ONE wants to be the one have it directed at them.

The atmosphere was silent, only broken when Neji said,

"You're so annoying"

"I know" Midori said, her glare not relenting.

"That wasn't a compliment"

"_Suuuure it wasn't"_

"You really are annoying"

". . ."

". . ."

"You know what, I swear that someday I will push you in front of a moving train and laugh"

"And the sad part is, I _really _wouldn't put it past you to do that"

"You know it!"

"Again, not a compliment"

"And I should care why?"

The tenseness in the air was still there when in came a surprise.

"Every one!", Naruto was screaming, "You have to come see! Sasuke is walking around with _banana pudding _in his hair!!"

"Naruto, I have a strong feeling that you have something to do with this" Neji commented.

"Maaaaayyyyybeeeee" Was all Naruto replied.

". . . I like banana pudding" Midori said, TOTALLY ruining the mood. But, hey. I like pudding too!

**Just in case anyone is wondering, the whole banana pudding thing came from one of my other fics, the day Sasuke was blonde. Check it out and please R&R!! Ja ne!!**


	3. You can learn things in school after all

**A/N: Here is the third edition to this collection. Enjoy! Also, summer is coming up so updates will be faster! **

**Disclaimer: Isn't it obvious, I don't own Naruto!**

**Warning: this is focused on the OCs of Kanna and Malem, look to my profile for info about them. **

_Number three: You can learn things in school after all_

It was a normal day at the normal high school. The high school that was completely normal with no ninjas. Boring, I know.

It was the middle of class when one of the two new girls stood up for no reason and announced,

"I'm bored". Then the other new girl too stood up.

"Me too"

". . . Hey Malem-chan, LETS GO BUG ROY!" (1)

"YEAH!!"

The class just stared at the strange girls who had interrupted class, and who was this Roy person.

The two girls locked arms and. . . disappeared into thin air! The class was in utter shock. I mean, wouldn't you be if all of a sudden two of your classmates disappeared right in front of your eyes?

A minute later, they reappeared with slightly singed hair and clothes. The first one, Kanna, looked at them and said,

"Flame alchemist, bad mood, NOT A GOOD COMBINATION MAN!!" the last part they both said.

Malem turned to Kanna as asked,

"Hey, can we go back? There's something I wanna say". Kanna nodded and they vanished yet again, reappearing a few seconds later, laughing very hard.

"oh man, I love doing that" Malem said.

"Gets him every time" Kanna replied.

"Oh yeah"

"it's just so much fun to burst into his office and yell 'ROY MUSTANG LOOKS DEAD SEXY IN A MINI SKIRT!!'"

**I actually came up with this scenario a LONG time ago and have been looking for an opportunity to use it, and I found one.  
(1) Yes, this is in fact Roy Mustang from the series Full Metal Alchemist, which I don't own either.**

**I hope you liked this one, it's really random tho. Anyway, Ja ne! (OMG, that rhymed!)**


	4. Fun with letters

**Hello peoples!! I have finally thought of another idea for this collection. And todays drabble was inspired by Scattergories!! No, seriously, it was. That, and Skye. Anywhoo, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Naruto!**

_Number four: Fun with letters_

The people in the room all looked towards the old man standing in the center of them.

"Okay people" He began in an excruciatingly slow voice **(try to imagine it, painful)**, "It is time for our next activity. I want you all to sit and think of a word that starts with the letter M-" He was cut off when a girl of 13 or 14 with long, wavy brown hair and brown eyes in black clothes jumped up and yelled,

"MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!!"

And then she ran out of the room at top speed, insanely laughing all the way.

"Wtf!?"

**Yup, thats it. This one is dedicated to Skye since that is _totally _something she would do, no joke. She always yells out MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN any way, cause its fun. It really is. Try it sometime. **


	5. The new village

**Okay, so this one was inspired by a conversation I was having with Skye. Enough said for those who know her.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

_Number five: The new hidden village._

It was an average day in the Akatsuki hide out. Average being Sasori and Deidara fighting about art (they argue about it all. The. Time! It gets really annoying. Oh look, Deidara looks like he wants to blow up Sasori. Maybe they will stop fighting!), Pein and Konan making out right out in the open (dammit! They seriously need to stop doing that, people are getting mentally scarred when he sticks his tongue down her throat. I mean really, some people...), Hidan preforming his prayers (he better clean up after himself, last time he neglected to do so, it took _2 whole weeks _to get rid of all the blood), Kakuzu was having a tea party with his money (yeah, we took him to the doctor last week and he is indeed just as insane as the rest of the members), Tobi was spazzing about... something (he is flailing so much it's to dangerous to approach him to ask exactly what he is spazzing about), and the remaining members, (Itachi, Kisame, and Zetsu) were having a semi-sane conversation (yes, I know. Surprising, but it's true). Anywhoo, all was as normal when the doorbell rang (and if they don't have a doorbell, well too bad. They do now) and Itachi went to answer it. Standing outside was a you shinobi of about 20 years of age.

"Exscue me" He said, "This is the Akatsuki hide out, if I am correct?" Itachi just stared at him for a minute (which made the man very nervous indeed) before answering.

"What's it to ya."

"I wish to join the Akatsuki" He replied. Itachi thought this over for a minute.

"Follow me." He said, leading the man into the hide out. "Leader" Itachi called, "This person here wishes to join." Pein stopped making out long enough to answer,

"What village are you from, lower life form?"

"The village hidden in the bank of America" He answered. All was silent.

"Does that mean you like money a lot?" Deidara asked after a few minutes.

"Yes, yes it does." He replied simply. Now, this is not a good thing to say with Kakuzu in the room, especially when his sanity level is at an all time low like it is right now.

"Gwahhnmerheighn!" Kakuzu yelled out, jumping up and grabbing Hidan's scythe. He then chased the man out of the hide out and for another 52 and a half and a day miles. Then he was dragged back to the hide out by a pixie stix fuled Tobi.

"Well, I guess he won't be joining"


	6. Breaking story Circles drawn with feet!

**Same as last one.**

**Disclaimer: See above.**

_Number 6:Breaking story- circles drawn with feet!_

Ah New York City! A really big, busy city! ... and now I don't care! Yay for me! Whatever, so here we are in New York City, the middle of the city to be exact, and are focus is on three people. These people are Skye, a 14 year old teen age girl and Mira, another 14 year old teenage girl. And also Hidan, an insane Jashinist person mabbober thing. Whatever. Hidan was drawing a Jashin symbol in the middle of the street. A person looked over to see it.

"OMFG!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!" This person yelled. Cue mass pandemonium. Pretty much the entire population of New York City was doing exactly as the person yelled. Running, and screaming, and whatnot. Either way, you got a huge headache from the entire ordeal. But as I said, only pretty much then entire population was running. The afore mentioned 3 people being the only exceptions. As everyone was running and screaming and I really don't care, Mira and Skye only stood there, staring at the symbol.

"Dude, he drew that with his foot!" Mira suddenly exclaimed.

"I know! That is like, wicked awesome man!" Skye replied.

"... I wanna draw a perfect circle with my foot" Mira said after a minute of silence.

"Well you can't" Hidan said.

"Why not?" both girls turned to look at him.

"Because you aren't anime characters" He replied.

"Dammit!" Skye yelled, "See, I told you Mira. It would never work!"

"Don't say that! I will practice, and soon they will look like circles and not amorphous blobs!" Mira yelled out.

"Whatever floats your boat" Sky replied, shrugging before she turned back to stare at the symbol. After a minute, Mira joined her. As did Hidan. And they all lived happily ever after. And Mira did manage to make her circles look less like blobs, they now looked like boat shaped friendship circles! The end... or is it.

**So how did you like it?**

**For many things in this, you would need to read When Hell Froze Over by Skye Charcol Marie.**


	7. Important life lessons

**Wow, I am really writing these fast.**

**Skye and Mira are from When Hell Froze Over by Skye Charcol Marie. Read it, it's really funny.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

_Number seven: Important life lessons_

"God dammit Zetsu! Why did you have to eat my drill again!" A positively fuming Skye yelled. "This is like the eighth-"

"Ninth" Mira cut in.

"Thank you Mira- ninth time _this month!" _Zetsu just sat there with a guilty look on his face, some sort of machinery sticking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Spit that out this instant!" Skye demanded, and Zetsu complied, heaving out a half digested drill.

"...ew" Mira said half heartedly.

"Thanks Mira" Skye said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You know you love me. Now what do we do with... _that_" She said, motioning to the power tool lying helplessly on the ground, Zetsu eying it hungrily.

"Well, this one is clearly ruined, thanks to _someone_" Skye said, head snapping to Zetsu on the last part. "So I guess we throw it out the window."

"Ooh! Ooh! Let me!" Mira said, Skye nodded her head. Mira jumped up, grabbed the drill, and threw it as hard as she could out of the window.

"Umm, Mira. I think you should have opened the window before you threw the drill out of it" Skye said, looking at said broken window.

"... you may have a point there." Mira replied in a thoughtful tone, shrugged, and plopped down onto the floor. "I ain't cleaning it up."

"Whatever" Skye sighed, " And Zetsu, didn't your mother ever teach you that power tools are friends, NOT FOOD!"


	8. Catholic school for dummies

**Here is the next one! Oh yeah! The idea came from Skye... yeah, once you read this, no surprise there. Anyway, here it is!  
**

_**NOTE: I AM NOT CATHOLIC NOR HAVE I BEEN TO A CATHOLIC PRIVATE SCHOOL SO I DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE BY THIS FANFICTION!!**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I own this plot and the school mentioned in here!!**

**Secondary note: This is AU, so you know. **

_Number 8: Catholic school for dummies_

Ah, here we are. The first day of school. Joy. No, really. Okay, I'm not fooling ya am I? Well, anyway, here we are at Akatsuki Private Catholic high school. No, really. This is no joke. Pein is the headmaster here, with his second in command being Konan. Math is taught by Kakuzu. Deidara teaches science. Sasori teaches art. Kisame is the gym teacher. Language arts are taught by none other than Uchiha Itachi. Zetsu teaches geography. And Hidan teaches, wait till you hear this, religion. Yup, that indeed he does. And Hidan is by far the most enthusiastic teacher about his subject with the lunch lady, Tobi, being the most enthusiastic period **(I did mention this was AU, didn't I?). **Anyway, it's the first day of school and this years batch of freshmen enter their religion class tentatively. Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, Ino, Sai, Shino, Chouji, Lee, Neji, Tenten, Shikamaru, Temari, Gaara, Kankuro, Kanna, Malem, Midori, and Ayumi make up this years class. Feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for them.

"Welcome class!" Hidan greets the students from the front room. A huge grin is spread across his face, his cross necklace dangles out of his jacket from around his neck. The students started to get nervous and exchanged glances. This guy seemed almost as bad as the gym teacher last year at Konoha Private middle school. And that is saying something. Hidan began to teach and the same thing ran through all of their minds. _Scratch that. He is way worse. _The teacher was telling them all about god and the things he does for us **(I am Christian, I just have no idea what sort of things to have him say...). **This man was clearly a very religious man. He had his beliefs in god firmly set. Frankly, they were all slightly frightened by this all, his enthusiasm that is. It was just overboard. The bell rang and they all left the room as fast as they could. This was going to be a long 4 years...

**I really hope you liked this and that I didn't offend anybody. I know this one wasn't very crackish, but the concept of Hidan being Catholic is what was supposed to be funny. Please review! And until next time, Ja ne!**


	9. Kanna and Malem visit the banana people

**Yeah... I know... Hey, don't blame me! It's 1 AM on new years day and I was thinking about the movie the Fifth Element (amazing movie, btw. I highly recommend it) during the scene where Zorg walks in on Leeloo in the Diva's room and demands the stones and then starts shooting at her... Well, I was imagining it as Kanna instead of Leeloo there and somehow their conversation ended up at a world where everything was a banana... So I decided to write this. Enjoy! **

_Number nine: Kanna and Malem visit the banana people_

"Dude! Everything is all... yellow... and banana shaped!"

"Dammit! I knew Z532-cork and X123-fish where the wrong coordinates! We were supposed to go to Phloston Paradise!"

"I know! But the real question is, where are we?"

Two girls stood amidst a sea of yellow, sticking out like a sore thumb.

"Ahhhhh!"

The two girls whipped around to see...

"Dude, Kanna, is that what I think it is?"

"If you are thinking a walking banana, then yeah Malem, it is."

Kanna and Malem stared blankly at the banana person while the banana person stared at them with fear.

"Ahhhh!"

"Ummm-"

"Ahhhh!"

"Hel-"

"Ahhhhh!"

Every time one of them tried to speak, the banana person screamed.

"Dude, this is just getting annoying." Malem whispered to Kanna, who nodded in agreement.

"Wait here, I have an idea." Kanna whispered back. She walked up to the banana, grabbed it by the shoulders and started to shake it. Violently.

"Dude! Pull! Yourself! Together!"

Malem stood off to the side, barely able to contain her laughter. Kanna stopped shaking and took a step back.

"Will you let us speak now?" Kanna inquired.

"Oh dear god! The monster talks!" The banana person exclaimed.

"Le gasp, they do." Malem commented sarcastically from the side lines.

"Yeah... Well, I'm Kanna and this is Malem." Kanna said, shooting a quick glare at Malem.

"I-I am Hersovelonutanakosurevanba."

"Come again?"

"You can call me Hershey."

"That works."

"OMG!? Like the chocolate company!?" Malem yelled, butting in.

"...What is this chocolate you speak of?"

"..."

"..."

"Oh my god! How can you now know what chocolate is!?"

"You clearly haven't lived!!!!"

"I am being very confused."

"Chocolate. Is. A. Food."

"Ah, I see..."

"No you don't."

"...yeah..."

"Well, anyway, we should be going. Do you know the coordinates for Phloston Paradise?" Kanna asked.

"No."

"Tch, too bad. Well, see ya later!" And with that, the two girls disappeared.

"What strange creatures." Hershey mumbled to it's self, walking away.

**How did you like it? I know, total crack. It was a very weird idea... And as we all know, banana's do not have genders... or do they? Does someone out there know? If so, please tell me. Anyway, Please REVIEW!!!!! Until next time, Ja ne!**


	10. The banana people visit Kanna and Malem

**OMG! I finally had an idea for this collection! I was just sitting at my desk, when all of a sudden I had a blurb, and I decided I could use it in here, so I did. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own Kanna and the banana people and Skye owns Malem. Yeah.**

_Number ten: The banana people visit Kanna and Malem_

"Guys! Run! Run for your lives!" Malem yelled as she and Kanna ran up to the Konoha ninjas.

"It's the bananas! The bananas!!!!! THE BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!" Kanna yelled, "And they want _revenge_!!!!!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Tenten demanded.

"I bet they just finally cracked." Kiba said casually, not looking up from the jutsu scroll he was reading.

"No! We're serious! We went to the banana world the other day and we talked with this one banana person who was names Hershey even though they didn't know about chocolate and apparently we did something that seriously offended them and now they want revenge! Oh, and bananas don't have genders." Kanna said in one breath.

"Dude, how did you get enough air to say all that?" Naruto asked in semi-awe. Kanna just shrugged.

"Crap! They're here!" Malem yelled, pointing at the hill she and Kanna had run down to get to their friends. They all stared in horror as a mass of yellow crested the hill.

"Fiends Kanna and Malem! We have come to extract revenge on you!!!!!" The one at the head of the group with a strange head dress on shouted.

"Crap!" Kanna and Malem yelled at the same time.

"What are we gonna do!?" Sakura asked.

"I have an idea," Sasuke said, "Who wants fried bananas?"

The banana people clearly heard this because they started running away, screaming their heads off.

"Well, that worked." Ino shrugged.

"Wow Sasuke, you actually did something right for once!" Kanna complimented... I think.


	11. Not the button, you idiot!

**I had the idea for this one when I was reading 'NearLuna Experiences' by InsanityInside and I couldn't resist. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and Insanity Inside inspired the button. **

_Number eleven: Not the button, you idiot!_

"What is it?" Kanna asked as she and Malem observed something.

"It- it's a button. And it says 'Do not push. Will end world.'" Malem replied.

"What the hell is going on here?" Sasuke demanded from a little ways off, "Why am I here?"

"Because, you keep the bananas away while we find a way to get revenge." Kanna said simply.

"And I think we just did." Malem grinned evily.

"Sasuke, come here." Kanna demanded and the boy complied, albeit reluctantly. Kanna grabbed him around the upper arm, linked arms with Malem, and pressed the button. Before anything else could happen, the three of them were gone.

"Well," Malem stated happily, "I think we got our revenge."

"Yep." Kanna agreed, "The banana people are gone."

... or are they?


End file.
